Simply because I didn't say doesn't mean I don't care.

You hurt me.

Perhaps you never try to put yourself in my shoes.

Yes,

I am silly enough.

I am tired enough also,

Mentally...

Early in the morning, not feeling so well.
Look at the mirror, just look at my dark eyes circle can fill in water d.. =.=
My mum will kill me again.
She warns me for so many time don't stay up until so late,
Heavy headache right now.
I thought assignment finished, checked learning zone, upload new assignment again =.=
One subject needs how many assignments?zzz
And quiz non stop...
Don't blame d...
JUST DO IT JUST DO IT JUST DO IT!!!

When I discovered more truth, the reality becomes uglier.
I suppose should know all this by myself right?
Why I am just stupid and never sense anything.
Still saying myself is a good observer.
I'm doubting on myself now.
What comes to me I will accept if never clash with my principle.
Know more or lesser will be better?
This is also what I will face in future?
Can I just stay crazy all the while and pretend nothing happen ><

Actually some of you is one of the reasons for me to stay.
I wish to say this.
Obviously. simple thing doesn't exist.
Whatever happens, I just hope don't affect our friendship.
I will put friendship ahead.
I emphasis it even though you not care about it.
I don't know how long it can last because everything also needs both sides' reaction.
If one day I tell you I give up in this friendship I really mean it already.
I don't hope this will be happened again.
It hurts and it will bring me down eventually.
Just because I care.

Lately when listening to emo song, I really will emo.
Especially when I was walking alone and wearing earphone.
Because all the picture flash one by one when the song represents someone.
Emo a while only har!!!!
No time to emo already.
Continue for procrastinated stuff.

以前的我遇到这些事肯定会发脾气。
然后自己生闷气。
就像一个小孩子一样。
何时来的变化。
时间的磨练，思想真的改变了。
21岁了，有了一定的责任，负担和包袱。
很多事情也不是如你所愿。
每个人都有不同的要求。
他觉得在乎不是放多一点心咯，不在乎不是少放一点心咯。
人就是这样，求其所好。
做人真的是对人说人话，对鬼说鬼话。
不由得你不看开点。
奇怪的人类难以捉摸。
就连要好的朋友可能你也不懂他在想什么，
更何况是一群不曾合作的人。
自己也有很多地方需要改进。
还是不要批评那么多。
我渴望的组员是不会计较那么多的。
真的那么在乎就不要计较那么多。
自己辛苦，别人不爽，何苦叻。
慢慢来吧，前面的路还很长。

四个字：坚持到底

Manager of CR

Frankly, when I received the message regarding the announcement from Vivian I am not happy.
What is the point for me to stay when you are not fighting with me in the department?
We joined AIESEC together, apply for the same department, share problems, share happiness, share knowledge, treat each other with heart.
The most important is we go through the process together.
You are the person I trust the most and...
I can feel the tears are almost dropping out when I'm typing this.
I am emotional at this moment.
Is CR.
Result needed, goal needed.
If I tell you I am not stress I lie to you want.
I apply for it because I want to cross my boundaries.
Sound silly? Not enough stress for academics meh?
But I believe future's life even will be harder than this thousand times.
Thank you for the call that comfort me.
Actually I know what I am doing.
Just for a moment cannot accept the fact being separated with Vivian.
I have faith on her.
I believe she can stand up very fast and back to the way of herself.
I know the sadness that lie on you and the pain that came across won't be less but you still show to me the positive side just because don't want to make me worry.
Am I very selfish for always making you worry?
I should give you a hug and comfort you.
After tonight you will be the Vivian,
A little girl chasing with her dream.
No matter how was the result, we will still be the same.
I promise you!

Don't ask " Am I deserve for it?" anymore.

People choose me for a reason.
It's the time I need to take up this responsibility and challenge myself.
Stress management, time management and self-management.
It's a long journey for me.
I'll make my word for what I was promising during the interview.
And I need to make my word for better achievement.
It's not only for the department but a learning for myself.
Every process is a learning, I cannot give up easily.
How hard is the journey I also must continue it because I CHOSE IT.
I really hope that this optimistic minded can be kept till the end of my life.
Coming sem break I need to enhance more no matter in what skill.
Personal coach booked! Haha
Thank you! You always help me without blaming.
As a JE I always wish for a good manager.
The same for next term's JE.
Never ever set a failure for myself before I try my best.
Manager of Corporate Relations 12/13-------------
It's not a label, is a responsibility...

Goal, Result, Member development and Self-development

务必的承诺

你的一句“我们会去支持你的”

让我觉得我好幸福。

对不起让你担心了。

答应你我真的会好好照顾自己。

Promise to myself

I used to doubt on my capability lately.
Am I the right person to do something that actually not suppose belongs to me.
Previously I am a person who really really cares of my academic until my mum will nag at me because I totally lost control that time until ignore my health.
When enter University I also told myself:
"please study hard! your family is awaiting for you to make them proud"
I know my parents never request me to get 4 flat in my studies.
They care my health and sleeping time more than my academic.
They told me fail in academic is better than affect your health.
Yes. I agree.
But I never follow their instruction.
I pretty wish to show some result to them. really.
Always stay up so late for doing different things.
Academic and experience...
Both are important.
I haven't found the equilibrium point for it.
I'm still finding.
I think I must on my track and concentrate more already.
A promise to myself : STUDY EVERYDAY and REST MORE PLEASE T.T


Stubborn! Still always think I am very strong.
I really can feel the changes that occur on myself.
No need much. Backbone is the best prove ever.
Came back to me at the wrong timing.
I don't want enter wad again please.
I have many things to deal with especially I've dragged too much for my studies.
I must cover all back within 2 weeks.
Please stay silently for just two months can?
I am worried.....
If back to last time how....
I want a normal life....
It's not easy to have an outstanding life with limited sources from myself.
I truly understand this.
Take care myself take care myself...
Think positive. Apply this to myself.

-SELF MOTIVATION-

20/4/2012

Sometimes a small action also can make me feel very touch want.
Even a text or a call also can warm my heart.
I really didn't request much for what I desire for.
Someone told me before " wait for the right person to appreciate you"
It's true, so true.
Thank you for by my side when I needed.
No matter you support me physically or silently,
I can feel it.
But hopefully I am not the side who thinking too much lo..
Someone asked me before also " Why you sacrifice so much for him?"
Why? I also don't know.
It's not a kind of intention but it's something that just pop out from my mind,
and you just so willing to do that?
Is it call silly for you?
I believe the way I treat people no need exaggerate.
Just treat people sincerely.
I don't need any reward for it.
This my way.
Always.

I have a lot to express but let me rearrange the sequence. haha.
Yesterday whole day I was practicing for dancing.
We have modified our Lovey Dovey.
Used up few hours to modify yet still cannot get the previous feeling.
Previously I really expect for champion because I want us to become part of it.
Let me clear up my mind,
I shouldn't set such a high expectation, at least let us perform the fixed song,
I will feel our hard work at least being appreciated.
The song I like "HaHaHa", form girl's generation.
i hope can put on the stage and perform it for eon event night.
I never perform at dewas Mas's stage. It's part of my wish also. Really.
The most spontaneous that happened was I dance chinese traditional dance.LOL
You see me ever look like a women? Hahahahahaha
This song so soft weyyyyy~~~
We used one night to learn all the steps.
Not bad, new trying. :)

Oh ya.
Interview for manager position sooner,
I feel anxious, no confident?
It definitely not. I am confident enough to present myself.
But then what for I so anxious???
I am just worrying my working style cannot fit the new MT.
I do hope they will pass me and let me continue grab what I want from this organization.
IF. If I fail in this interview it eventually will bring me very down.
I set a high expectation for myself.
It's not that I overestimate myself.
I just feel like chances should be given to those who really passionate want.
I don't know how is the way they choosing but anyhow the decision is still up to them.
I just need to get ready for that interview.

Reminder: No matter how busy I am, don't drag my academic.

总在我最有奋斗心的时候捎来一个信息把我推进了谷底。
你说的真的很对。
顿时让我醒悟了一下。
你说我不会理财。
我没有靠山，所以样样都要省吃俭用来维持生活。
十多年了我没有伸手要过钱。
我也在怀疑自己是怎样走过来的。
你要我算算看我的无谓的消费占了生活费的几巴仙。
原来不少。
其实你并不鼓励我参舞蹈，我现在才知道因为怕我累坏，影响学业。
你说虽然我很享受那些活动。
可是我是必须牺牲它们来想想负担我自己。
这些对你而言都是无形的开销。
你说得其实没有错。
我认命，命不好。
所有事情都是自己来，自己扛。
我不敢跟你讲因为你都帮不到。
为什么还要去增加你的烦恼。
不像样，整个东西都不像样。
没有一件事我不需要担心的。
可以什么都不理吗？？
可以丢下手上所有的东西？？
就如你所愿专心读书。
什么都不理。
我真的很累了。。
在家也烦，不在家也烦。
要我怎样。。。。
我什么都不想理了。
现在起我顾我自己就好了。
所有的事情都很有心无力。
根本没有人理解。
心真的很淡了。。。

没什么放不下的

两年半了。
有时还是会不经意的进入他的面子书看他的近况。
不是特地的。
就是无意间听到了曾经属于我们的歌所以不经意的就这样了。
无意间经过了属于我们的对方。
无意间听到属于我们的对白。
虽然结局很不愉快但是我真的真的领悟了很多。
我也发现认识他过后我变了。
分开后我变更多。
反省了很多事情。
两个人在一起就要好好经营，体谅及坦白。
我真的领悟到那个重要性。
虽然变成了陌生人可是这个过程避不到。
不能接受慢慢变成了感激。
他的出现真的让我对生活的价值观改变了很多。
他真的过得很好。
更开心了。

我领悟到了承诺不要随便给。
即使只是一个戒指可是它的意义真的对我来讲太重要了。
戒指不是因为它有多美有多贵有多亮眼。
我在乎的是那个意义及用意。
没有心理准备就不要随便为他挂上戒指。
因为脱下来的那一刻比任何伤口还要痛。
戒指是一个承诺。
刚刚在 Onefm 听到听众分享初吻的经历当然让我想到了你。
都是一个过程。
放下当然放下了。
再不放下我一辈子就不用找男朋友啦。哈哈。
浪漫的爱情故事难寻啊~
我也不敢乱乱介入。
这个游戏风险很大。
那个真正能进入我世界的人太难找了。
还是专心读书啦！！！

Best Friend

Out of a sudden I miss my best friend so much.

One at UUM, another one at hometown.

The one at UUM can meet always, but then hard to meet as well.

Not really can meet him always la.

He's always so busy~haha

But even though we didn't contact for a long time he still the one that so understand me.

Always know what I'm thinking.

Know how to handle me and know how to cheer me up.

Always tolerate me ><

He doesn't know when he's not in Malaysia I feel so lost.

I too dependent on him.

Shouldn't be like this.

Aiks~

I'm trying already.

He is totally qualify to be my ZXPY.

Always is my ZXPY~

I always pray for a last longer friendship with him.

Another bestie I knew her for nearly 9years. 

She is the one help me always without any excuses.

I miss her!!!!

We never meet up for few months already.

I pretty hope she can come and support me for my grand final.

I really miss her :(

You know how important are you to me?

Is beyond a best friend.

She's the only one can spend so much time on me without blaming.

A call from me she will appears and keep update from me when I was in trouble.
She cares for me more than everything.
I feel it from the bottom of my heart.

I always believe when you are in trouble you will know who is your true friend.

Best friend is not a word that can simply saying out.

It's proven by action.

I feel grateful for having both of  them as my best friend.

Both of you mean so much to me.
Is beyond best friend ever and ever.

哭过就好了

突然间看见别人分享梁文音的哭过就好了。
很久。真的很久没有听了。
因为会把久伤口挖起来。
其实是没事的，已经过了。
刚刚手痒去开来听。
哪来的眼泪流个不停。
心里总觉得有很多话要说。
说不出。
哪来的影响让我那么轻易的流泪。
泪变浅了还是忧虑变多了？
事情的发生总有他的原因。
我不懂发生什么事。
可是我只能告诉自己我必须看开点。
世界继续转动，我不可能停留在原点。
是。我在乎。
那又怎样。
没人理解。也不需要。
忍一忍就会过了。
心很难受又能怎样。
忍一忍还是需要走下去。
现实的世界不可能和我擦肩而过，
它就在我隔壁。
没什么难倒我的。
那么大个人了，好好爱自己懂吗。

-哭过就好了，伤都会好的-

身旁发生很多事。
我一副风吹不倒的样子总让你走过来向我诉苦。
我有时会想跑掉不回家也是因为这样。
如果所有事情允许我真的会就这样走掉。
恕我自私。
我接受不到，所以我逃避。
我知道这样不应该，可是我会过得比较好。
我视若无睹是不是真的太自私了。
童年并不快乐。
长大了也不见得过得很好。
这种年龄不应该承受的都冲着来。
我能怎样。跑掉吗？
心软。
做不到。
我已经分不清楚我到底需要面对多少的事情。

很想大喊我。。。其实。。。看见你们很累。。。
看着一盘散沙。
心真的死了。

功课，学业的压力相比之下皮毛罢了。
亲情，友情，爱情。
你能忍受失去多少？
亲情的定义何在？互相比较？互责不公平？是这样的吗？
友情呢？现在很好。过后只是擦肩而过的陌生人。
爱情？更不用渴望。梦里才会有。
想找个肩膀倚一下更是难。
真正会关心你的人到底有几个？

最近对郁可唯的歌情有独钟。
不是因为它的旋律有几动人。
而是歌词真的写得太好了。
怎么可能把心声说得那么的细腻。

不是爱不起只是伤不起。

好朋友只是朋友还是朋友不能够占有。

该怎么做。。。

Back to reality

After an excitement, it's the time for myself to back to the reality.
I have no much time for me to waste.
3 mid term examinations are waiting for me, all 2000 paper.
3 assignments are waiting for me as well.
Today will be the due date of manager application.
I'll go for it even though my life will pack with stuff.
It's the time also to prepare for grand final.
Need to settle down transport to back form UUM,
my personal time table.
Conclusion: Time management.

I just went to my aunt's house.
She's worrying about my academic.
She said I join too much activities which out of academic.
She means a lot to me no matter in what aspect.
She said I changed.
She said I not that concern about my studies compare with last time.
I feel little bit as well.
Secondary school and STPM's life were enough to make me hard to breath.
I think I make them worry.
I didn't prove where I should been.
I always been too excellent to them but I'm just a normal girl that doesn't mean anything.
First semester's result not really satisfied me.
I don't want to disappoint myself and even people who care about me anymore.
Cheong Kar Yen.
Please stay strong to face all the difficulties.
Just continue walking and walking until the life stops.

SELF-MOTIVATION

Wa-kakaka

如果我现在不把我的喜悦写出来我真的太对不起自己了啦~
那个喜悦~~
我快疯了~
现在满脑子都是比赛前后的场景。
急速的练习我很享受。
谁都不会想到结果就是如此。

真的信心满满站上台，竟然出现技术问题。后半部的歌完全停住。
我愣了一下，心骂“他妈的！”
全部就这样下台了。
第一个想法“我们进不到决赛了”
做得不好~
那时惟一觉得的就是遗憾，没有把最后的爆点呈献。

成绩公布。
安慰奖没我们的份。
优秀奖我们也没有。
不报任何的希望，组员们都决定跑去北马区的团康比赛了。
至少还可以有进决赛的机会。
季军我们也不想，因为不想连翻身的机会都没有。
但是。。。
Wa-kakaka 竟然是中马区的冠军!!!!!!
是冠军!!
不是在发梦。是真的。。。
太不可思议了~
*疯狂状态“
哈哈~

那股激动我真的无法形容!!!
上台的那一刻我们抱在一起。
大家都吓到形容不出当下的心情了。
我更是泪眼框框。

我终于渐渐的知道团康的意义。
领悟了不少~
还有一段路需要走。
组员们要加油!!!
继续享受舞台!!!
我真的很感恩~
谢谢你们在我生命里穿插一幅美丽的图画 :)
我们: 北大，博大 Wa-kakaka

-找回失去已久的满足感-

难得我回家，你却不在。
我的心慌了下。
好想坐下就跟你单独聊天。
聊你的近况，我的近况。
就静静的望着你。
回大学前凝视你几秒钟，我偷偷的转过头流泪。
我心痛。
心痛你的付出。
岁月骗不了人。
你真的累了。
几时轮到我为你付出。
真的很想念你。
平时根本没有想家。
这一刻我想冲回家。
你对我的奉献太多了。
我很不孝。
原谅我的懦弱，泪浅。
止不住的眼泪。
我。。。
答应我要顾好自己的身体。
和我走完我人生最重要的路。

-没有什么比家人更重要-

If you dare to take the first step to show me your love, I will help you to complete the rest of step.

Lately addicted to a song. It reminds me don't give up on somebody. You don't know how many guts are needed to love a person. It's not the matter about love anymore. It's about how much you care of the person. Can you continue fighting if you lose him/her? Will it be a day I keep a distance from you just because of I scare losing of you.

我专心不到。
我不懂什么问题。
就是专心不到。
恐怕这次又要让自己失望了。
还剩几个小时就要考试了。
我很潇洒。看起来。
其实担心得半命。
老实的说我不懂我在读什么。
很烦躁。
搞什么。
我尽量把它看完就好。

最近真的想很多。
很紧张。
很担心。
很不安。
太在乎了是不是。
张嘉恩张嘉恩。。。
真的够了。。。


-Stand strong. Nothing can pull me down even though those challenges come spontaneously-

A looooong day

Mid term examination and assignments really make me unable to breath d.
Every night also midnight only fall asleep.
Just give me few days more I can back to home d.
I need a proper rest and personal time.
Really need it.
Inappropriate meal, insufficient sleeping time and rest.
My mum will kills me if she knows that I so late only fall asleep.
Sorry sorry :(

Yesterday night I really very exhausted, really.
Just finished a program for my dpp as a treasurer.
Nothing much to learn, deal with money, my favorite *wink*. hahahahaha
But then it wasn't that worst to mix with other races while I'm the only chinese.
Treat them politely actually they are quite nice also want.

And..
I feel sad for a while yesterday night.
I...
really trying so hard to do what I can do.
Friendship doesn't have any expectation.
Friendship doesn't have any judgement.
Trust me, believe me.
I know you've blocked me.
But I still want to say I am still here if you trust me.
I hope you can see this.
I didn't expect much.
If you still want to continue ignore me I'll accept.
Because is your choice.
But still, I am always here.

Still something for me to feel happy.
Thank you for what you've done for me.
Really.
I never expect you will give me such a surprise.
*ehemmmmmm*
Hehe~

未知数

人生有太多的未知数了。
你不懂你的下一步会是怎样，
所以惟有继续的走下去。
你所感觉的未必是真实的。
真实的未必是你所感觉的。
人~就是那么的矛盾。

我呢？
永远还是傻到不行的女人。
盲目的渴望不可能的事情。
可是还是继续的那么傻。
女人就是那么的。。。
无知？
可能是。

心专注不了。
分散了。
快快回来。
我不想迷失方向。