Appreciated

How to describe my feeling. I feel myself always met helpful and kindly person. I am blur, impatient, slow learner and so and so. I need to improve a lot, is a lot. I don't know a lot of things and I always have guidance. I really feel myself very lucky have two best friends who are so supportive. I really appreciate it.

Today I have went to Vision College for getting some documents from them. Once I enter I'm totally blur from the beginning to the end. Zero knowledge. What I need to expect? I will do wrongly from the top to the bottom. Fortunately and luckily a very kind person willing to help us. This is totally out of his job scope but he is so willing to help. He guides us from place to place.

From Vision College he brings a staff along for documents' submission purpose. After that went to LHDN. I started to blur again. Finally I knew the purpose for going to LHDN. Then, we went to immigration department. What I can say is blur again.

For the person who helps me I really appreciate it. For no reason to be so helpful yet you did so. I don't know what is the purpose of being so helpful but I sincerely appreciated what you have done today.

日记

本来兴高采烈的翻着衣橱找找八十年代摇滚风的服装，翻着翻着。。看到了我的日记。。不是在写作文，是真的有一本日记。

是一本国民服务的日记。里面都是国民服务的回忆及与你的对话及回忆。我一面一面的去读。还没有读完我已经知道过后所发生的事。可见印象还是那么的深刻。那时的我真的想你了。虽然不应该也不可以可是涌上来的回忆我控制不了。

所有的承诺是多么的可笑。别再说天长地久，海枯石烂。我。。。不敢再相信。要不是真心我求你，恳切地求你不要闯入我的世界里。我真的承受不住一次又一次的失去与伤害。

那本日记应该被埋在土里，就让“它”消失掉。

羡慕羡慕，真羡慕啊

有时真羡慕那些漂亮的女生。

特别得到眷顾及青睐。

不止漂亮，身材好，皮肤好，又有智慧。

我真的是自叹不如。

T.T

May I?

What I want actually?

A person will be my side whenever I need. May I?

House Visiting

It was a tiring day yet fruitful day. I met a lot of old friends. All are secondary school friends. Not much changes on them. First time gambling until headache. Haha, because too many people already, 18 people!! Wow~

I pretty hope that this house visiting will be continued on the following years.

When comes to the last house visiting I received a message. This message doesn't bring any meaning. It's just because it was from you. Shouldn't talk about this. By the way....

I'm really very happy for today!

Put it down?

It has passed so many years, why am I still so refusing to heard about your name. How big the impact you gave to me. I not easy to trust others anymore. I hate promises. I hate to being hurt anymore.

玩不起也输不起

因为你的一句话我失眠。

不是因为我在意而是我担心。

我什么都可以玩。

唯独爱情这玩意我玩不起。

Keep a distance is better than everything

I feel something from you. Please don't be real. You showed me your feeling indirectly. I can feel it. What I can do is keep a distance with you. Sorry if I hurt you. I always worry this and that. I just don't want to be hurt again. I'm not easy to run away from the darkness. You are really good, but I am not good as you think.

Waiting...

It's really good to have someone who cares about you without hoping any reward.

Is there a person will always remind you to drink more water when the weather is hot, always remind you put on sweater if the weather turns cold, always care about your every reaction and always willing to share your happiness and sadness. Could it be?

Memorable

Today I'm really really really very happy. Every time go out with both of you I no need to pretend anything. I laugh as loud as I want. It feels great when friends around you are so real! Can you feel it?

Finally I ate my Barbq plaza. Yummy!!!

Me, SC and XP. We went for a movie. It was the most expensive movie ticket I have ever bought. It cost me RM26 but it's worthy with all the effects and renovated cinema (super huge screen)!

Finally I have bought a piece of shirt for my daddy. I realized he doesn't have a new year shirt. Even though I really have the limited amount to spend but I really like and so willing to choose a shirt for him. He feels happy once he got my shirt. Even though he didn't express how happy he does but I can feel it from his slightly smiling. It's worthy to spend a little bit.

真的

真的希望那一天会来临，

希望我不是在做梦，

真心的祈求。

Insomnia night

What a great day with my parents and youngest brother. It's really warm to hang out with family. :)

It's 12:27a.m. right now. I couldn't fall asleep. I feel so excited of the rumor that Running Man is coming to Malaysia. This can show how much I support and love their program. It's really the best ever program for me!! Sincere!!

And tomorrow I'm hanging out with SC and XP. Haha. Is it one of the reason that couldn't fall asleep? Insane!!

Since I couldn't fall asleep, so...............

IS RUNNING MAN TIME!!!

Will you?

If you dare to start take the first step to show me your love, I will help you to complete the rest of step

I saw this from a status. It's exactly what I'm feeling right now. Will you?

Past Tense

I'm waiting back to go back home.I feel more excited when my exam over instead of packing and go home. How come I don't have the excitement to go back. Escaping again??

I saw a comment, from a girl. A girl that very charming. After 2 years I should feel nothing already right? Why when I saw that comment I still will click inside and look further. Heart still feeling uncertain, mind lost out of sudden. A lot pictures are popping out. We ended up with an unhappy ending. I believe there is no anymore friendship once a relationship has ended up.

I grown up because of you. You look sweet and happy right now. Sincerely wishing you happy forever.

Hope...

I have a lot of words to say and to ask but I have no gut to know the respond. I'm scare and anxious that will be a big changes afterward. I didn't even want to take risk to do that. How am I going to overcome this? How am I going to confirm what I think is it same with what you're thinking. I seem like a coward, not dare to seek for the truth and always escaping from it. I just hope a day that you will come for me instead of I go for you.......

Heineken

For no reason I miss Heineken.

Demotivated

Please forgive me that I couldn't concentrate at all. It is the last subject, what I need to do is just memorize all the facts only. That's all. The lowest carry mark among my 6 subjects in semester 1. I suppose to spend the 3 days revision period wisely. I have no motivation at all.

Yes... I trust you...

I didn't mean to complain. I'm really just hoping you will listen to my heart voice.

不想撑了

最近心情坏透了，亲情，人情算是什么东西

  婚姻是坟墓？

看见这两个post 我认了。一直坚信下雨过后终会有彩虹的我是多么的单纯。一边打着字一边落泪。我真的撑得很辛苦。我唯一的动力没有了。我一直以为自己很幸福。他们都很爱我。可是他们过得不好，很不好。我什么都做不到。我是一个失败的孩子。发生什么事都毫不犹豫地告诉我因为我看起来很坚强。我只是一个很普通的女生，一点都不坚强，面对不了突如其来的问题。一个人会告诉我：“ 这些事以后生活里都会面对只是你比别人早了一步，也早了一步懂怎样去解决。” 是这样的吗？我的年龄面对太多事情了。别人只有学业上的烦恼。学业，家庭，金钱，健康，样样都问题都趋向了我。不想再装了，真的不想。泪水只能往肚里吞。眼看只能羡慕别人多么的幸福。幸福不是自己有几快乐，而是身旁的人都过得很好，那才叫幸福。很迷茫，一直想逃走。

不可以放弃

为什么别人的兄弟姐妹可以那么的合作，不计较，听话，孝顺。为什么你们就是不能？说了那么多次说到我都累了。看见自己的妈咪那么的为家庭付出，我真的有放弃学业的念头去撑那个家。

什么手足？我一点都感觉不到。不懂得珍惜对你们好的人。没钱就算了。最基本的手足情也没有。我还能做什么？没有一天我是可以平平静静的过。这种生活真的很累很累。。。

已经是精神上的折磨了。。这样有一天我会连回家的念头都抹杀掉。。。我的动力衰退了。。我感觉不到我们之间的联系。

我想要的是一家人不计较，合作。孝顺及尊敬父母和婆婆。不富有真的一点关系都没有。我的生活不快乐。很勉强的过。

我想让我的父母过好日子。很心痛他们所受的孩子债。我要更加的坚强去面对及解决，因没已经没有人能帮得到我了。只有我自己才能帮得到我自己。撑着点。笑一笑重新出发。

幻觉

日有所思，夜有所梦。

这就是我会梦见你的原因。

也是一个幻觉。

脑里布满了回忆。

傻的，在乎的只有我罢了。

你根本感觉不到。

......

Today I have updated my blog so frequently.
A lot to write.
A lot to say.
A lot to express.
I don't know where am I standing right now.
What I want from myself?
Where is my destiny?
I'm blank.
I'm lost.
I'm......

What the Hell

Seriously I'm not intending to complain as everyone is also having their final examination. My body originally is weaker than others, easy to get exhaust, easy to fall sick and easy to headache. Once headache I will not able to do any revision. All input during headache period is just wasted. I still have 3 exams to go. I really want to sleep!!! No kidding!!!

Want to shout this!!

My mind is spinning around with my holiday mood. I really miss home so much. My roommate, Yilu just went back to her hometown. How sad when sending her into the taxi. HAIZZZZZZZZZZ~

6 more days is my turn to go back home. WAIT FOR ME!!!

习惯？

男女之间是不是都不会有“好朋友”之称？

是不是只是习惯了彼此的存在？

这只是一种习惯对吧？

习惯很可怕， 摆脱不了。

我应该，真的，必须习惯有一天你的离去。

Isolation Zone

People tend to update their facebook status frequently because of their loneliness and emptiness. 

I seem to be part of it. 

"LAUGH" has became my symbolic. 

A laughter isn't that cheerful as you thought. 

Behind a laughter there will be tears and pains. 

Where to seek an active listener that will always by my side.

*Dreaming*

Partner

I do want to own an earphone as this as my current earphone really makes me uncomfortable when I was wearing it. :(

My prioritize should be concerned for my necessity first :(

Music has occupied my life. I need music wherever I been. Gradually earphone became my another partner. I feel secure whenever the music is just so near to me.

我。。。怎么了。。。

你的样子常浮现在我的梦里，

不模糊且清晰，

最近特别的频密。

我是怎么了？

My Lucky Day~

I considered myself as the luckiest want for today J

Today we redeem for our Rm200 voucher. I plan to buy some stationery and books for myself and my brother. J

I finished up my 18 chapters of management syllabus. Even though I’m just able to master 50% of the questions but I have tried my best.

Woohoo!! Just now I finished up my exam earlier and on the way walking back. I’m extremely exhausted and walk under the hot sun. Someone stop his car and pick me up to my dpp. Thousand of thankful and appreciation. Thanks to our lovely VCD Hong Jian. J

Lucky right? :p

Eternity Love

I really miss my grandmother. She grows older and weaker.I'm really worrying I cannot practice my filial piety. I'm not cursing her but I cannot deny she is getting weaker right now. I sleep with her since 2 years old in a same room even same bed. How much she cares about me? Is INFINITY. I'm really missing her right now. She sacrificed a lot for our family, always spending time on my personal stuff. She loves me more than everyone. I feel guilty sometimes not treated her well, will get frustrated of her nagging. I miss her nagging. I have ever imagined if one day she mo more nag on me.................. She told me before "If I pass away you no need rush back from Kedah because very far and transportation very costly". Allow me to cry..... I really miss her right now........ I swear I will appreciate her more and more and more......... I love you po po......

Just want to hug you tightly right now......

It goes both ways…

Stubborn in your decision can be good or bad. Be stubborn in your dreams and dedications, why not? At last there will be more achievements because of your STUBBORN.

Stubborn will goes into wrong perception if you are a narrow minded person. Friendship is easy to build up but hard to maintain it. An argument that leads to misunderstanding can make such a huge changes in a friendship. Every misunderstanding needs to be ended up. What is so greatful for hiding, avoiding and get mad? Don’t you feel suffering all the time? When everyone is commenting about your inappropriate behavior, is the time for you be introspect yourself. World is not a solo show, is a community. I pretty hope someday you will ‘awake’ from your world. God Bless.

My CUTE Brother

He is wearing his school uniform :)

He is my youngest brother. A brilliant and cute brother. Today is his first day going to kindergarten. I can’t send him to school because I’m so far away. My mum told me what my brother said when he first came to school. He saw some Indians cried and he said “他们没有用，我没有哭我很good boy”. Ahahahaha… I couldn’t imagine how funny when he was talking like that. I pretty hope he will likes his new environment over there. I miss him a lot <3

How far can I move?

It’s 2.35a.m right now. I couldn’t fall sleep and I’m hugging my book right in front of my laptop. I just finished chat with Shen Chieh. First time both of us being so serious while discussing about our future matter. He has decided to run for LCP and I really fully support him as he knows what he wants. He asked me “ Do you run for VP?”. Am I eligible for this role? I’m doubting about my capability and honestly I’m not confident and not ready at all. This is my weakness right?? He is trying his best to motivate me and analyse for me. He was also zero educated when being elected as VP OGX. I did digested what he said. How far can I move? I am not sure. What I want to achieve? The answers are deep inside my heart. What I want some more? Be confident ok? Exams are surrounding me. Now I need to concentrate on my exam first. I will make the decision based on my own desire sooner and later.

Sorry...

Based on my planning i suppose to complete 3 chapters of management revision by today but I received a call that made me unable to continue it anymore. When the moment you can’t help but you really care about it, it’s just torturing. Pretending nothing happen? Or just let it be? That’s not me. I am always thinking so much whenever it comes to me. I really want to help if the situation allows me to help. I just want everyone lives happily and peacefully. That’s is a very minor request from me. My New Year 2012 doesn’t go on smoothly. Just started 3 days but sadness is more than happiness. I pretty hope there’s a day for me to share out my most happiness moment and shout to myself “ I AM REALLY VERY VERY HAPPY TODAY”. Apparently I need a shoulder. Sorry, really very sorry I couldn’t help on anything………

                                  There will be a way out right? :(

Changes on myself

I have left out my blog for a long time even didn't realize of its existence for a long period. until now i'm so willing to express many of my thoughts here because i really couldn't find a way out. I not even can tell anyone because the consequences will ruin many of my precious memory. Keep away first. I have a lot of things want to say.

Many things have changed me...

1. UUM...
I was really upset when  know i have been distributed to this university. I really dislike for being so far and leave my family. I keep grumbling all the time and even didn't speak for few days. I so refuse to come here because i keep thinking of there is not the place i should belong to. I am too overestimate myself. I have the chance to study over UPM because of my daddy can make an arrangement for it. Finally i made this decision to come over here because my best friend XP has motivated me! It doesn't matter where am i going to further study but the experience of being here. I came here with my parents' companion. Clean up the room and they leave, I didn't show my sadness in front if them. Actually i really want to cry out loudly when they leave but i tell myself must let them know their daughter is tough and able to leave at here! I did that! Now i almost end up my first semester. No regret for being here. I have learnt a lot from everyone here.

2. Friends...
Actually i don't have many friends around me. I am choosy when making friend. I just make friend with those sincere, talkative and cheerful person. After i went through few stages i realized this is not the way to survive at here. We need to live in group in order to go further. World is not a solo show yet is a community. I cannot expect everyone to have the same thinking with me. I have seen various personalities here. Their every action actually reminding myself what should or shouldn't i to be. But, i am still the way i am.

3. AIESEC
I knew this since form 6 from a friend. Just roughly heard about this. I have gone through some stages to enter AIESEC, I remember every single details of it.
The first time of being involving in AIESEC activity was the "Introduction Day". We queue to get our number then enter a dkg. First thought: CRAZY! When we entered the dkg all AIESECers were shouting and screaming. Sorry to say that the first time i really cannot accept it. They started with "Square Dance". All AIESECers were dancing in front while me, yilu and vivian feel so =.= of it. They are hyperactive. I were sitting second row. I have been pulled out by an AIESECer- Gabriel to dance with them. OMG! I feel so shameful to dance in front of so many people. I really feel very very very embarrass on that time. After that Irene as a emcee. She speaks very very well. She can speak confidently, fluently and bring up the topic so well. I was asking myself that time when i can become like her.

After few days i went for chit chat sessions, I decided to take up a role in AIESEC. My chit chatter was Christine. She interviewed me. I am nervous for a very first time to interview. We talk a lot. I feel comfortable when i was talking with her and she is so pretty. :)
she told me 'Congratulation, you can go for our emergence day'. Wahhhhh!! Surely i feel happy!

I went for emergence day. It was all about introduction of AIESEC and introduction of every roles in AIESEC. Application for roles are available. The first choice of my department was ICX-Corporate Relations and second choice of department was External Relations.

Interviewed time!! Nervous again and i am the first interviewee. My interviewer was Christine, Irene and Nam Weng. That time i feel so stress ah~~ i have been interviewed for so many questions and i try to answer it confidently with my own way. haha.

Currently: 
~I am Junior Executive of  Corporate Relations. Seriously it is a busy department and due to this i know myself lack of time management. Many reasons make me intended to give up and run away. I am tired actually. Someone said i am easily to show my tiredness on my face. I am just don't want to be like that. My healthy condition nobody could understand and i never expect whoever to understand it. IS OK! Back to the initial objective of joining AIESEC! I must enjoy it! Because of YOU i grow up and changed and know what i need to overcome. THANKS!

~After LLDS i joined MyLDS. I have been chosen as dancing queen for LC UUM. First time of being in Chief Delegates team. I'm looking forward for MyLDS 2012. I am expecting something from there..........