Last about you.

I always tell myself I am the one who decide my happiness.

I am the one who not letting myself to be so negative.

Yes, I am the one.

Who are you to enter my life to let me see hopes there is still people who I can put trust on.

The courage and gut that I've taken....is too much.

4 days, enough.

He wouldn't know.

Enough to act like an idiot and 

A very strong wind just slapped on my face while I'm writing this in front of my house's main door. Look up on the sky, looking for the stars that could possibly let me smile.

I know I could't smile now.

Even if I did, the smile is with bitterness which only I can feel it.

Typing the last blog that will make myself like the most stupid person in the world.

IT'S JUST NOT THE RIGHT TIMING.

IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

I WILL BE FINE.

就这样吧

有时候我不得不承认世界很讽刺。

当你下定决心慢慢的相信别人，对我而言需要很大的勇气。

三天了，装着若无其事。

现在眼泪却不知觉的掉了下来。

得知的第一天，嘴巴笑着说“很好啊，是好事来的”

怎么了？心理有说不出的感觉。

继续装着若无其事的聊，进了厕所，眼泪不知觉流了下来。

我从来没有想过这竟然是我的反应。

当我决定做人不要乱下定论，要给自己了解别人的机会，我跨了很大的一步。

或许这样，我绊到脚，跌倒了。

尽管心里多么的难过，却一直告诉自己“下次不要那么认真了，你输了，输给你自己”

心里有好多好多的感受，可是不是所有的事说出来就可以解决。

有些事永远只是秘密。

有些话永远不能说出口。

我希望时间可以冲淡一切。

我不需要戏剧化的生活了，让我平平淡淡的过好吗。

My summer break?

While browsing through few websites I really hope during this summer break I can really have a me-time by visiting to the place I wish to go.

Few places which never fail me so far which I hope I can really go again:
1) Library in Straits Quay
Listening to the singer, drinking long island or beer. Have a walk with breezing wind. The moment put aside everything.

2) Sepang Gold Coast Beach
Walk and run on the sand. Have a picnic with my favorite and simple food. Shop before going to beach, buy sushi and some chips and soft drinks. Sitting on the sand, enjoying the view, listening to the waves.

3) One City
A slightly modernized place but not too crowded. On top, there is a bar with KL night view. A place to really chill.

4) Cafe 1986
The most sincere and heart-warming meal that I had. You can feel the food is really different. Worth waiting.

Few things that I wish to do during summer break, hopefully :P
1) Working? Of course!
2) Malacca. A place for food hunting.
3) Book a condominium with close friends inside and cook for them, watch movies for whole night without doing anything.
4) Have a great dinner with my family.
5) Lastly, a peaceful birthday. It has been years for not celebrating it happily. Every birthday is a nightmare for me. I really wish this year everything can go smoothly.

It should be an enjoyable summer break! =)

来自星星的你

你看了吗？

还没有。不打算看。那么不切实际的戏我没有兴趣。、


非常熟悉的对吧。对，是从我口中说出来的。那天碰到了我的学妹，叫她过一些戏给我看。谁知道竟然有这部戏。就手痒，按进去看了＝＝
其实，很好看，不错看啦。可能现实里没有这样的情节所以总觉得偶尔的虚幻是没关系的。不讲外星人，其实它呈现出最终爱情的精髓，那就是真心相爱。虽然很多人都说这是不可能的可是其实我心里还抱着希望，相信它的存在。是不是很天真？哈哈

看完这部戏，告诉自己　：

天啊张嘉恩，你还是那个充满憧憬的女生，还是那么爱发白日梦。我相信爱可以净化一切。恋爱去吧张同学。。。前提是，没有人要你。哈哈。老天爷，您会眷顾我的对吧。嘻嘻。来自星星的你，谢谢你！

Realization

When you know what is your goal of your life, no matter how or what you will really fight for it. Along the way you fight, you will realize a lot.

You will realize no one is meant to be there for you forever, you have to walk the path by yourself without blaming as you chose it.
You will realize actually sometimes do not need to plan too much, just go with the flow and you will be surprise at the end.
You will realize when you are fighting, deep down you hope someone will cheer for your victory even it is just a little achievement.

If given a choice I also wish to rest and focus my revision but sometimes thing just out of your control. I chose it and I have no regret for it. I really never expect people to understand me as I know less expectations less disappointments. HAHA. I also realized no need to explain too much. Time will prove who I really am. Everyone was raised from a different family background, it is okay if others do not understand why you are behaving like this but promise myself don't let all this feelings take away the cheerful side of mine. I still hope people around me can be happy and I can help people with my ability. Happiness is just simple :)

So, tomorrow is my second paper in semester 6 then I will be heading back tomorrow night to have an intensive 8 days. It is crazier than NatCon! But it is alright, I am ready to face it. Positive energy will bring me to a better place :)

Who are you now?

The people who close to me lie to me. I don't know who are you anymore. I never expect you will do all this thing. Can I still put trust on you? You claim yourself mature and rational. You are not at all. You broke my heart. What can I do to help. I am angry on you but at the same time I feel you are very pity because you make your life even worse. I feel pathetic because you ruin yourself. Are you dare to share all this with your kids next time? I will scold you, shout at you but at the end I will still by your side because I know if given a choice you do not want it to happen. I am here, please talk to me :(

Confessions

At this hour (1.44am) I really hope I can hug someone and cry like hell without bothering anything. I don't know why this 2 weeks I am not emotional balance. Frustrations. I guess it is normal as it is human's nature but I want to scold people so much right now :(

Always inform at last minute and expect my time is for you all?
I have my own commitments as well. I am tired do you know that :(

Are you hinting me? Do you really care what I am thinking? If you really care please act but don't let me assume everything by myself. Are you being serious when talking to me? Do you actually want to understand each other more. If you don't please let me know and don't give me hopes anymore. I need days to away from this and let myself think deeply am I doing a right thing. Who are you to affect my mood? :'(

Local Transition Camp. I promise will deliver the best session. 4 sessions. All the best. It will pass very soon. It's the time to put on mask again and hide all the frustrations. I feel shit right now! Serious shit. Self-motivation, self-reflection, self-encouragement. So what?

Perhaps this is the most negative blog I have ever written. Cheong Kar Yen, why you become like this. Deep down, what happen to me. Can I jut hug someone and cry. I have not been crying loudly for so long. Can I...........................