-Undeniable, LOVE is very powerful-
Monday, December 30, 2013
LOVE
It has been a long time I do not experience it and recently I really start reflecting and questioning myself am I ready for it or even am I deserve for it. I have a long chat with my director regarding this topic and he made me realize that I set expectation at the beginning which unconsciously rejected people around me. I have a too strong sense of self protection and I never reflect myself that am I eligible to have so many criteria for it? I do not have. It's the time I need to let go my inner worries and start accepting and knowing new people which I never wanted before. Knowing new people and share experiences, stories and knowledge indeed is good but sharing of privacy I am still a bit stepping backward. Give other a chance, is giving myself a chance as well.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
YAY!
I think I have found what I really like and interest in.
FACILITATOR!
It is sound so technical but it matches my personality so much. Someone said to me :"Lecture again, lecture again". HAHA. I am not lecturing yet I am sort of giving advice. Facilitator is more than that. I have been waiting for this opportunity for almost one year and finally it comes and I got it. When I received the email I shouted out. I never thought I can be so happy and excited for it. Yes, I am anticipating to become facilitator for MyLDS'14.
When the moment someone tells you :"Thanks for leading me in a right path", "Thanks for being so inspiring". "Thanks for letting me know where I should improve". All this means so much to me that I am able to help. Even though I am still lacking of and still improving but I am really privilege that I am able to talk, to share, to listen and to walk. Some people not even have the opportunity to have an education, not even have a proper meal. I am not able to contribute monetary but this is the least I can do for this community. It sounds impossible when I want to convince people to believe in what I am doing but it doesn't matter as I am doing a right and meaningful thing. I am really privilege to be chosen and lead a bunch of delegates. I believe what comes around goes around. It will be a promise to myself that:
FACILITATOR!
It is sound so technical but it matches my personality so much. Someone said to me :"Lecture again, lecture again". HAHA. I am not lecturing yet I am sort of giving advice. Facilitator is more than that. I have been waiting for this opportunity for almost one year and finally it comes and I got it. When I received the email I shouted out. I never thought I can be so happy and excited for it. Yes, I am anticipating to become facilitator for MyLDS'14.
When the moment someone tells you :"Thanks for leading me in a right path", "Thanks for being so inspiring". "Thanks for letting me know where I should improve". All this means so much to me that I am able to help. Even though I am still lacking of and still improving but I am really privilege that I am able to talk, to share, to listen and to walk. Some people not even have the opportunity to have an education, not even have a proper meal. I am not able to contribute monetary but this is the least I can do for this community. It sounds impossible when I want to convince people to believe in what I am doing but it doesn't matter as I am doing a right and meaningful thing. I am really privilege to be chosen and lead a bunch of delegates. I believe what comes around goes around. It will be a promise to myself that:
-I will leave an impact on you and you-
Monday, December 2, 2013
迷茫
曾经何时，这里变得不再熟悉。
曾经何时，我对人生有了不同的看法。
曾经何时，所有的事变得不再重要。
已经麻木身旁所发生的事。终于理解能医不自医何解。忙忙碌碌，匆匆忙忙，为的还是前途？为的是学习？为的是让家人有更舒适的环境？曾经是奋斗的理由，已变得没有意思。无论再高的荣誉，多么的有成就，得到多么多的肯定及赞赏。原来，这一些虚荣不是我要的。我的心已没有了温暖。我已经忘了家的感觉。我不再属于那个地方。我不再象以前因为他们而奋斗，而打拼。你们不再是我奋斗的理由，我感觉不到你们与我同行。这一路，我走得很孤独。
你们是我唯一奋斗的理由，而现在也是我放弃的理由。我现在已经没有了依靠。就连你们我也靠不了。不是不独立，而是我没有靠下去的理由。我真的不懂我奋斗来给谁看？
我变了。变得不再感性，变得实际。变得我自己都觉得我很可怕。我再也不是个简单的女生。
我已经看不见未来。质疑自己还能撑多久。
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Genting
I want to record the moment so much right now. I never expect you will spend 2 days of your weekends for me. It is not a big deal for you but it means so much to me for my semester break. It has been a long time I never been protected and concerned as this. I used to care for others and protect others. This 2 days I was like totally blank out my mind and just follow whenever direction you were bringing. You fooled me in direction sense and I got fooled as well =.=
When crossing road, I had someone to remind me to be careful. When choosing food, you always let me decide and always ask patiently. When I was sleeping, you put on blanket for me. When I wanted to sleep inside the bus, you said I can lean on your shoulder if I wanted to. When I was taking ktm to go back, you purposely went to the station you will not drop by to ensure I was actually following the correct platform.
As a friend, I really feel touched and appreciated for what you have done because nobody did this to me before. I have a very great and meaningful weekends. I feel distress and relax. Thank you very much! :)
When crossing road, I had someone to remind me to be careful. When choosing food, you always let me decide and always ask patiently. When I was sleeping, you put on blanket for me. When I wanted to sleep inside the bus, you said I can lean on your shoulder if I wanted to. When I was taking ktm to go back, you purposely went to the station you will not drop by to ensure I was actually following the correct platform.
As a friend, I really feel touched and appreciated for what you have done because nobody did this to me before. I have a very great and meaningful weekends. I feel distress and relax. Thank you very much! :)
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Father
What is father means to you? A person who gives you pocket money? A person who provides you education opportunity? Or a person that fetches you up and down?
My father never did all this to me. He is always so cool. I knew I can't even talk about father this word. My eyes is full of tears now.
I acted like don't care and didn't even take initiative to care and talk with him. I am a cruel daughter right. I never concern about him. I knew when I fetched him and he was sitting behind I can feel how discomfort is him, how unhappy he is and how struggling he is in this family. I have the mind I hate him a lot to mess up a family and I am the one who has to bear everything but why I am still willing to do so.
I cannot afford of losing him but what I have done for him. Even I cannot forgive what he had done but what he had done is it for us? He never tell us and I have no gut to ask, because I can foresee once I bring up this topic, a lot of truth will be uncovered. I am escaping is it. Selfish is it?
Dad, actually how you feel now. Is it no one to share and very disappointed to me this daughter that you love the most but I never concern about you.
Forgive my cruelness. This will be no ending. Kar Yen, just go and talk to your dad please, he needs you.......
My father never did all this to me. He is always so cool. I knew I can't even talk about father this word. My eyes is full of tears now.
I acted like don't care and didn't even take initiative to care and talk with him. I am a cruel daughter right. I never concern about him. I knew when I fetched him and he was sitting behind I can feel how discomfort is him, how unhappy he is and how struggling he is in this family. I have the mind I hate him a lot to mess up a family and I am the one who has to bear everything but why I am still willing to do so.
I cannot afford of losing him but what I have done for him. Even I cannot forgive what he had done but what he had done is it for us? He never tell us and I have no gut to ask, because I can foresee once I bring up this topic, a lot of truth will be uncovered. I am escaping is it. Selfish is it?
Dad, actually how you feel now. Is it no one to share and very disappointed to me this daughter that you love the most but I never concern about you.
Forgive my cruelness. This will be no ending. Kar Yen, just go and talk to your dad please, he needs you.......
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Life is just short
Now only realize it has been some time I never visit here. Partly is because busy and partly also I suddenly found out I would not like to express much as previously. I have a very busy semester 4 and of course a very tense semester 4. I know I am not as capable as what you all expected, I know I may not achieve all of your expectation... This is reality..... I am trying my best not to care how you all perceive me but I do mind. I am human, I have demotivated moment as well. I need motivation and courage too.
A very big realization lately. I cannot fulfill everyone's desires and needs. I cannot make everyone happy and understand for the decision that I have made. I am tired in explaining. I choose to let time proves everything. I no need a perfect friend to be frank, what I need is a true and sincere friend.
A much more bigger realization, life is really very short. I always will say "next time, we still have time". NO! We don't have extra time than we expected. I had a very cute and sweet little brother which I care and love so much, words cannot describe how much I love him. I once hated my mum why need to have a little brother as I am the one who need to raise him up in the future, he is my burden, he is my liability, how childish am I to have this thought previously! When time goes by, I know he is not my liability, he is my asset and my lovely brother. While I was sleeping, my mum came into my room, she was crying and waking me up. I ran out and I saw my little brother was in a coma stage, eyes ball turnover, whole body squeezing. No matter how hard we were trying to wake him up he is still not waking up. My parents were panic, I don't know what forces me to be so calm that time and drive and speed to hospital. When reached private hospital doctor refused to accept my little brother. What the hell and bullshit is that!!! I let parents settle it and I was trying to talk with my brother that is half awake. I asked him whether he knows who am I, he could not speak, he shaked his head, my heart is breaking into pieces. My mum asked him who is she, he answered "grandmum". My mum burst into tears... My heart started to think, it is the possibility to have down syndrome and his life will just gone. I was enduring my tears as I know if I break down how my parents are going to face it... We drove to GH and he emitted into emergency unit. I was with him at the midnight of 5a.m, slept by him side, make a promise silently to myself, I would not let this happen anymore. I almost lost someone that I love. He almost disappeared in my life. This incident made me even see clearly what kind of person am I, what kind of responsibilities that I am holding right now. I no need people to understand what I am doing but I can be very sure I am doing the right thing for the right person.
A very big realization lately. I cannot fulfill everyone's desires and needs. I cannot make everyone happy and understand for the decision that I have made. I am tired in explaining. I choose to let time proves everything. I no need a perfect friend to be frank, what I need is a true and sincere friend.
A much more bigger realization, life is really very short. I always will say "next time, we still have time". NO! We don't have extra time than we expected. I had a very cute and sweet little brother which I care and love so much, words cannot describe how much I love him. I once hated my mum why need to have a little brother as I am the one who need to raise him up in the future, he is my burden, he is my liability, how childish am I to have this thought previously! When time goes by, I know he is not my liability, he is my asset and my lovely brother. While I was sleeping, my mum came into my room, she was crying and waking me up. I ran out and I saw my little brother was in a coma stage, eyes ball turnover, whole body squeezing. No matter how hard we were trying to wake him up he is still not waking up. My parents were panic, I don't know what forces me to be so calm that time and drive and speed to hospital. When reached private hospital doctor refused to accept my little brother. What the hell and bullshit is that!!! I let parents settle it and I was trying to talk with my brother that is half awake. I asked him whether he knows who am I, he could not speak, he shaked his head, my heart is breaking into pieces. My mum asked him who is she, he answered "grandmum". My mum burst into tears... My heart started to think, it is the possibility to have down syndrome and his life will just gone. I was enduring my tears as I know if I break down how my parents are going to face it... We drove to GH and he emitted into emergency unit. I was with him at the midnight of 5a.m, slept by him side, make a promise silently to myself, I would not let this happen anymore. I almost lost someone that I love. He almost disappeared in my life. This incident made me even see clearly what kind of person am I, what kind of responsibilities that I am holding right now. I no need people to understand what I am doing but I can be very sure I am doing the right thing for the right person.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
:)
Tense, human is not easy to handle.
Pack, academic clashes with a lot of things.
14/5-Sales replacement class, Interview for PD, Last AG
15/5-OPS Speech, POM quiz
16/5-TM Meeting. French Singing
17/5-At home...but revision time :(
18/5,19/5-MC Transition Camp
20/5-POM submission, French quiz and listening
21/5-Interview OCP AUUMAN and JE NCR
22/5-REST??? HAHA
23/5-Retailing presentation, french presentation, emcee for talk
to be continued...
14/5-Sales replacement class, Interview for PD, Last AG
15/5-OPS Speech, POM quiz
16/5-TM Meeting. French Singing
17/5-At home...but revision time :(
18/5,19/5-MC Transition Camp
20/5-POM submission, French quiz and listening
21/5-Interview OCP AUUMAN and JE NCR
22/5-REST??? HAHA
23/5-Retailing presentation, french presentation, emcee for talk
to be continued...
Tell myself
It will gonna be great!
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