Life is just short

Now only realize it has been some time I never visit here. Partly is because busy and partly also I suddenly found out I would not like to express much as previously. I have a very busy semester 4 and of course a very tense semester 4. I know I am not as capable as what you all expected, I know I may not achieve all of your expectation... This is reality..... I am trying my best not to care how you all perceive me but I do mind. I am human, I have demotivated moment as well. I need motivation and courage too.

A very big realization lately. I cannot fulfill everyone's desires and needs. I cannot make everyone happy and understand for the decision that I have made. I am tired in explaining. I choose to let time proves everything. I no need a perfect friend to be frank, what I need is a true and sincere friend.

A much more bigger realization, life is really very short. I always will say "next time, we still have time". NO! We don't have extra time than we expected. I had a very cute and sweet little brother which I care and love so much, words cannot describe how much I love him. I once hated my mum why need to have a little brother as I am the one who need to raise him up in the future, he is my burden, he is my liability, how childish am I to have this thought previously! When time goes by, I know he is not my liability, he is my asset and my lovely brother. While I was sleeping, my mum came into my room, she was crying and waking me up. I ran out and I saw my little brother was in a coma stage, eyes ball turnover, whole body squeezing. No matter how hard we were trying to wake him up he is still not waking up. My parents were panic, I don't know what forces me to be so calm that time and drive and speed to hospital. When reached private hospital doctor refused to accept my little brother. What the hell and bullshit is that!!! I let parents settle it and I was trying to talk with my brother that is half awake. I asked him whether he knows who am I, he could not speak, he shaked his head, my heart is breaking into pieces. My mum asked him who is she, he answered "grandmum". My mum burst into tears... My heart started to think, it is the possibility to have down syndrome and his life will just gone. I was enduring my tears as I know if I break down how my parents are going to face it... We drove to GH and he emitted into emergency unit. I was with him at the midnight of 5a.m, slept by him side, make a promise silently to myself, I would not let this happen anymore. I almost lost someone that I love. He almost disappeared in my life. This incident made me even see clearly what kind of person am I, what kind of responsibilities that I am holding right now. I no need people to understand what I am doing but I can be very sure I am doing the right thing for the right person.