无时无刻

开学后，忙忙碌碌的生活心中还是放不下。自己心中有数以后的路肯定很难走。每件事都不顺心，无时无刻，起身，上课，吃饭，冲凉，睡觉前都想着同样一件事情。已经不再是压力，而是心灵上的折磨。你们为什么那么的忠言逆耳。为什么就是不能齐心。接到你的电话，我快崩溃了。。。。。
我真的很羡慕那些状态都很开心，很自在的人们。做他们喜欢做的，想去哪里就去哪里，家人也非常的支持。何时我走到了这么无助的地步。不是我不要说，而是如何开口。拿起了手机发了一封信息，已经预知回复肯定令我心痛，可是我准备好了。手足，手足。。。你们在哪。是不是要等到失去了才懂得珍惜。大的，小的都一样。你以为姐姐一个人可以面对那么多吗？
告诉我要坚强，当然可以。可是可以持续多久。坚强的背后需要多少的毅力及谅解。需要多少的能耐。会更加努力。我懂不简单。失去了依靠，就要更努力的爬起来。我希望我不会让自己失望。

You read me.

Lately I have no strong intention to blog.
Should I say that someone pointed out my mind and it's pretty true.
I am a failure no matter in what.
Comparison makes me feel I am nothing actually.
Hardly keep at a very high motivation level but I will keep no matter how hard is it.
You read me unlike others.
I thought I'll be keeping silently and unconsciously people realized it.
I'm always seeking for opinions for the best solution but it doesn't help out.
"Try as much as you can until success".
Yes, I should be more dedicating and stay stronger please CKY.
Stay stronger is what I can do right now.
Thank you for pointing out and concerning.
Appreciated...

Jealousy occurs when you care about someone.
Not suppose to have such a feeling as I am not eligible to.
When feeling is back you will hardly control it.
Warn yourself not to be too care but it happens oppositely.
Human's mindset sometimes just use to be like this.
When the playful conversation starts, it turns on the mode, it turns out an additional unwillingness to leave.

-Enchanted-

开学后

不想做个那么不坚强的人。一路走来没东西难倒。从开学到现在心情都很沉重，放不下，牵挂。不像我。这次不一样，我选择不表态换来了你那么大的失望。。。大家都不肯坦然相对才会弄到这样的地步。这个假期里，我。。。到底算什么。。。这样下去，我还能撑多久。一个人需要面对多少的挫折才会停止。我也不想一直埋怨。可是这次我真的无法一个人在异乡面对。。。心理有多少的挣扎，多少的焦虑。最近又头晕，不想再发生同样的事。已经没有力气和时间去生病。找不到答案是不是只能往肚里吞。。。

是不是只可以继续走下去。

正面思想已经抵挡不住那么多的变化。自己的问题我面对下就过去，走着走着就过去。已经不是一个人的问题。这次，我。。。失去了很多。我。。该怎么办。。。

家和万事兴？

这一趟的牵挂更重。表面上毫不在乎，因为我已经无从下手。到了这个地步，我只能说手掌是肉，手背也是肉。你们的心结牵涉了那么多的问题。一个家最重要是乐也融融，同心协力。我什么都 feel 不到。只有忧愁，担忧，烦恼，不合，纷争。我要怎么帮。。。到现在我都还不能接受，为什么，为什么。。。大家会搞成这种地步，已经没有挽回的余地。我这一回，带回去的牵挂我是否负荷的了。这不是简单的数学题。自问，这三个月是我最难熬的日子。我发梦都是发梦一家人多么的开心。现在却成了我的阴影。面对这些问题已经超越我的能力，心中的家尽毁。。。
这个家变得越来越陌生。越来越模糊。越来越远。
怎么办。真的很无助。。

你。

我的理念就是对事不对人。我没有原则，我只有想法。我相信一个人的性格源自于成长环境。还有两个星期就会离开这个家。真正的离开。没有人体会到那万般的不舍。住了十几年，说走就走，心里真的很难受。你肯定比我更加的难受。我，没有资格去评论，可是我懂，这一搬，我不会再是我。因为你们让我看得更清楚我以后的路是应该怎么走。几好的人，说变就变。我已经没有本事去化解种种的心结。越描越黑罢了。这一走，我懂，我会更加的迷茫。我失去了最重要的精神支柱。最近的冷淡是我不想你不舍，只有默默地。。我不期盼什么，只希望我不在的时候你还能照顾自己。我最放不下的是你。

近况。

这几晚难以入眠。脑子里都是解决不了的问号。已经不再状况里面。怎么反省得到，因为我真的不懂发生了什么事，可是会努力的去探讨。希望可以给自己一个满意的答案。

暑假除了让你休息，聚餐，玩。其实我理解到了不一样的事情。它是一个小考验，考验友情。无意间留意到。有几个人会主动的找你，只是纯粹的聊天？有几个人会肉麻的说“喂，想你了，最近怎样？”听起来很客套，可是是温馨的。因为还会有多少人是主动的找你聊天？哪怕只是无聊的对话。

可是啊~最近真的遇到很多旧朋友。真的需要少出去，可是转机吧可能，好好的谈其实事情会变的。事情都在变，最近朋友约都少拒绝了。开心的是意外的收获！下个星期做工去！可以赚钱啦~~~哈哈。。

张嘉恩~要更懂自己，要更了解自己。慢慢来~欲速则不达。

-踏破铁鞋无觅处，得来全不费功夫？-

A satisfied day

Yes! Submitted document.
Early bird really makes a huge different :)
And I really have more understanding on it!
I was the second applicant to submit document and everything just goes smoothly.
Feel thankful for someone call from long distant to clear my doubt.
Always so helpful :)
No doubt, tired lo. 6a.m depart. But satisfied return.
Continue with a spontaneous plan, SING K!!!
Sing sing sing!!!

By the way, before sing k I met someone.
Is his girlfriend.
When she greet with SC, seriously I feel a little bit awkward and don't know where to place my hand, where to stare at and should I start a topic with her?
All this natural action just appeared unconsciously.
I talked to her and the conversation is not awkward.
But...
When the moment she mentioned his name, I was just feeling...
"She is really is his girlfriend who recognized by his family"
Unexpected, we can talk to each other.
Really glad he has an understanding girlfriend.
They really look match.
Deep inside my heart still always keep a memory for it no matter sweet or bitter as it's a turning point in my life.
To be frank, so jealous of having a partner that really understanding and thoughtful.
It's really not easy to find, appreciate when you met it!!