私人地带

部落格是很私人的地方。纯粹的释放很个人的感觉。没有对与错。
最近身旁有太多的变化。本以为藏在心里什么都不说因为害怕失去可是心中很不好受，不舒服甚至更担心就这样结束。顿时全部讲了出来。。。鼓起了很大的勇气把我最心底的话说了出来。我懂我在冒险可能会有什么变化可是我不说我真的会无法专心任何一件事，因为很重要。原来坦然面对的结果并不可怕，反而更了解彼此。对我而言，摊开来说大家的感情会更好。与其活在过去不如珍惜当下。

挑战当前！接受变化！越挫越勇！哈哈哈哈

很久很久没有听到花言巧语。虽然理智的想怎么那么的嘴花花可是却让我合不拢嘴。甚少接触及联络的两个人，因为这次的相遇不知不觉越来越靠近。所有的小动作都让我觉得很贴心。虽然你会说我不实际，可是这个社会太过的实际偶尔需要这些所谓的不实际来平衡。我对生活还是会有那么的期待及幻想。你的主动其实让我觉得我原来一个不起眼的小角色也会被注意。没有人能确定彼此的下一步会是怎样可是我的确以一个顺其自然的心态去看待。我感受到你想联络的意愿，希望这不是一个错觉。

忙碌的一周！！！！冲啊！~~~~~~

人生如秤

这两天还算有进度可是提不起劲。都在拼命激励自己必须要坚持到底。绞尽脑汁都要把那样东西死出来虽然真的没有心情。真的觉得有点不平衡了。我没有像别人有那么高的激励心，我需要不断的自我创造，我相信不是一个问题。

我的生活就像这一个秤。当左边重了我需要跑去右边给它平衡，当右边重了我需要跑回去左边。这一去一回的确很累很喘。达到一个中心点是需要多少的来回，多少的喘气。偶尔跳下来其实是一种歇息。有些人会助你平衡那个称，可是有多少人愿意那样做，而且值得吗？

两边的秤装满了琳琳种种的理想，抱负，梦想，兴趣，也可以是负担及压力。歇息的方式就是完完全全做自己最爱最爱最没有压力，最开心，最没有负担的事。我想念跳舞，无可否认那是我最开心的时刻，满身汗，随着节奏进入了状况。我很期待接下来的表演。我知道真的没有什么机会了。曾经被某人讽刺“还在跳舞？”。其实你的脸色和这句话真的伤了我。。我的选择既然得不到你的支持那么我也无话可说。还有多少年给我跳，把握当下吧。。

可遇不可求

感觉有时候是错觉。你觉得似乎是你的可是偏偏遇不上。就是那么的奥妙。谁也无法解释。今天看见很多人写单身节快乐。其实单身真的有好有坏啦。不好是吵架了，多一份烦恼，多一份顾虑，有时想见又见不到。好的当然也有啊~多一个人分享及分担，那种感觉是需要很舒服的，在一起不会勉强，感觉就是很舒服，做回自己。

最近似乎是分手的季节，status 有 emo 到不行，也有找别人爱来淡忘过去。其实，时间才是唯一的良药，我深深体会。那天和朋友去唱歌，遇到了他和他的她。很自然的打了招呼，不错啦。。有进步了。他的妹妹和我在同一间大学而且还会常见面。世界真小。还记得拿了些书和课外活动衣服给她，他竟然和sc说不好意思拿我的东西。因为毕竟。。。。哈哈。她有一次还问我要不要坐她的车一起去巴士站。。我愣了。。怎么她不会想到遇回她的家人我还是会尴尬。拒绝了。谁知道到了巴士站，见到他的家人，真的有点尴尬，反应不过来，可是他的爸爸上前和我说话。礼貌上，也谈了一下。过去的事情真的是个经验啦。

我的老妈子，天啊。发了封信息给我 “今天是世界告白日，有心仪对象吗？快行动，别等苏州过后无艇搭，哈哈！”我简直就是炸到 ==。。这些是事情是可遇不可求的啦，遇到了就阿弥陀佛。无论如何，单身节快乐啦~还有很多未完成。这个星期要真的很努力很认真，不可以堕落，不可以懒惰。

Need to be...

Study hard. Never been so serious when confronting my exam. I swear I never been so concentrating. I can stand for distraction and stay my mind calm and steady. I should be like this. I set a goal for my result, a very specific goal. I mean it. Thanks Alfred.

Be a good leader. I'm no longer a person that without responsibility. I have a goal in AIESEC. It's not an unrealistic goal. I just have to work a little bit harder, because right now is not only my concern, is a team with JEs. Time is too less for me to grab, don't waste any single moment in AIESEC. I proud to say that I AM AN AIESECer!!!!

Take care of my health. I know I have a weak body. I rest early lately. I eat on time. Without health my goal will just be a bullshit.

Be a good daughter. The one week sem break. Both of us talk like nobody is beside us. I promise no matter what happen I will always by your side. Everything has changed but I still will go back to stand for different faces and critics for you. I've tried my best to pull everything back, I tried. Tears don't pull back the sweetness. I learn to say I miss you before everything is too late.
I hate 'you' for being so irresponsible and so unsupportive. I really hate 'you'. But I still love you.
Every time I go back I need to withstand stress from externally and internally. I never feel so helpless in my life. Confronting alone is what I should stand for. It did make me become stronger and unintentionally making me no confident towards 'building up a family'.
Anyhow I know everything will go better.

Lastly, I met a person who 'scolded' me with a lot of insulting word. I met him for a discussing about GIP. Initially I was so sad for being insulted by him, but I didn't cancel the appointment and meet up with him. Even though what he said might be partially self-centered and over confident but he makes me realize what called as CORPORATE and LIFE.

-Compliment doesn't mean good, insulting doesn't mean bad. Learning goes on-

You.Me.

Have a very packed weeks and mixing feeling lately. I wish to write again as a part of story in my life.

People
I met a lot of people lately. First of all I would like to say about marketing trip. We went to Jobsteet and 2 hotels. The person that we met is incredibly awesome and different and I really have a strong feeling after marketing trip. It's another motivational level to me. I am not preparing good for the marketing trip, As a promise to myself my next appointment at KL I won't make myself disappointed anymore when presenting to corporate.

I went for GCDP interns' farewell party. Yes, a touching moment for me when they shared their feeling. I hope for another journey in my life. A life changing experience. Can I? May be. hehe
Another intern, Thany for our GIP Program she came to UUM and pay a visit. She recorded a video for wildlife project. She was so spontaneous and ask us to be involving in the video and throw us some questions. She will bring back to Combodia as a video to promote her next project. Yes, the video is done! And this first time definitely boost up my another motivation. I saw the potential on her and frankly she is a best EP and AIESECer that shared a lot of her experiences with us. We just finished farewell with her and even though I just knew her 2 days but oh my god, why feeling so unwilling? She is an ALIEN! Do whatever that challenges her, a brave girl with ALIEN's thinking :)

Friends
Yes. You know what. Lately many friends come to me for their problem.Call me, find me, talk to me. I can really be their shoulder when they needed. I can be your side whenever you all need. The sad scene was when I need you are you be with me? I'm seeking for a true friend you know without utilizing each other. Perhaps it has but rare. I am glad you look for me, really. It shows that you trusted me and YES I trust you as well. Is it taking initiative always is what a friend should do? May be. Sometimes.

Listening friend's difficulties in relationship is not easy. We couldn't provide a solution for them because we are not the person who gone through it. Any advises need to be very careful but true words surely from me, I hope to see you seek for the Mr. Right. Whether he suits you or not? You decide at last. A question for you: Does he your Mr. Right.
Received an message from your bf. It's a little bit ridiculous when first saw the message as approaching me to ask about what is happening. You are unlucky because you met me. I'm not commenting anything for the relationship but I can't withstand a guy who approach with a wrong mindset. Please, you are not kids anymore. Anything please think of your future. Any actions taken reflect your intellectual level. May be love is blind. I really like the way of your loyalty, it's a good sign for a girl. If use it wisely you will be another great guy.

Myself
I have been stunned for few seconds when writing for myself.....Still stunning....
Is passing through a stressful moment for dealing with many stuff. I am ready to deal with it for sure, because I chose it and challenge accepted. Just sometimes I need to relieve, continue going, relieve and continue fighting. This is what life calls as. For how many times I take my mobile and text a long message but finally backspace those words. I talk to you because I really trust you, but you are not concerning about it. I'm not seeking for a perfect opinion, what I need just a support.

Family
How refuse am I to back home previously but for so many weeks at here, I realized I cannot lose anyone of you. This time back home I promise myself I want stick with all of you as much as I can. I just have 3 days with you all. i don't want to let go and make myself regret anymore.  I able to console everyone beside me that facing problem, but I couldn't console my broken heart. I've reached a level when mentioning their name, when heard their voice, when saw their photo, my tears will be out of control. Cry doesn't mean I am weak but is how long I have endured for it. I miss you all so much....

Witnessing a relationship to grow is far behind that be part of it

我可能不会爱你

曾经何时哪一部戏和我那么的贴切。仿佛为我而编。不是自恋，而是与我太贴近。繁忙的脚步，频密的行程表，却不忘那颗想与你保持联络的心。大事，小事，芝麻绿豆事都想与你分享。伤心时希望你的抚慰而不是讥讽。平时根本没有想那么多，这部戏启发了我多年的怦然心动。男女之间真的只有纯友谊？我问过自己这个问题。我的回答：是！可是当事情真正的发生时。。。我开始质疑我的回答。看见你和别的女生好时我会很自然的避开你们的范围里。会避开那人群里。
某人问过我要是有一天他有了自己的幸福，你们还会那么好吗？
渴望爱情其实并不天真，因为我也是个普通的女生。你会把自己形容成什么？一个书签？一个四方形的狮子头？还是其实你没有一个贴切形容自己的用词。

与其成为别人的书签，不如成为一本值得让人一读再读的书。

Sincerely

Where to start? I have a lot to write. You know. Anything happen the first I want to go is you but I know we are no longer as what we were previously. From many actions I know I am not important for you. Lately, the feeling even becoming stronger to look for you. I have no idea why this gap exists and is it pointless to seek for an answer? Partly, what I do is sincerely to help, no motive.
看回信息，我自己都想不到付出竟然累累积积那么多。竟然是我会做的事情。不是想得到任何的赞赏，有没有赞美我不介意，可是你可曾珍惜过我。可曾留一个空间给我。。。人，因为太了解而分开，或许真的是这样。有个人告诉我。有些朋友莫名得变得很好，莫名得变得冷淡。可能就是这样。。。
一个巴掌是拍不响的。其中一方没有心维持，再坚持有什么用。。

有时候就是需要一个打闹时毫不顾虑，但在需要倾诉依靠时可以出现的人